


A Comeback Story

by implicated2



Category: British Comedian RPF, Only Connect RPF
Genre: Gen, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-26
Updated: 2012-12-26
Packaged: 2017-11-22 08:44:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/607963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/implicated2/pseuds/implicated2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>It's a bit like one of those heartwarming sports films Victoria detests: three comedians who've styled themselves the Underdogs are going up against Sandi Toksvig, Sue Perkins, and David Mitchell, who've come up with no better connection after which to name themselves than the Cambridge Grads. </em> </p>
<p>British comedians play Only Connect. With bonus puzzles!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Connections

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dafna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dafna/gifts).



> Seeing Only Connect RPF nominated as a Yuletide fandom was what finally got me watching the show. For that, my gratitude, and this Treat.
> 
> Embedded in here are a couple of small puzzles: a very low-tech Connecting Wall (Chapter 3) and some Missing Vowels clues (Chapter 5). Solve if you like, or just skip ahead to read the solutions and the rest of the story.

It's a bit like one of those heartwarming sports films Victoria detests: three comedians who've styled themselves the Underdogs are going up against Sandi Toksvig, Sue Perkins, and David Mitchell, who've come up with no better connection after which to name themselves than the Cambridge Grads. (“'Cambridge Grads'?” Victoria repeats incredulously, when she's done their introductions. “Might as well call yourself the Intellectual Bullies and get it over with.”)

The Underdogs are Miranda Hart, Alan Davies, and their captain Lee Mack. Victoria grimaces as she reads their team description aloud. “' _United by their tendency to lose at quizzes_ '? Does that generally work out for you three, going on quiz shows expecting to lose?”

“Works out all right for him,” says Lee, gesturing towards Alan.

Victoria supposes so, but she'd like to see an honest competition. It'll only be a heartwarming sports story if the Underdogs have got a fighting chance.

The Cambridge Grads won the toss, but they've rather unsportingly put the Underdogs up first.

“ _Vertical squiggle_ ,” Miranda announces with confidence, when Victoria asks them to select a hieroglyph.

“ _Twisted flax_ ,” Victoria corrects her, covering a giggle with her hand. “And I'm afraid I have to hear it from your team captain.”

“ _Vertical squiggle_ for the lady, please,” says Lee, pointing at Miranda with his thumb. They're stumped by the question they get, though, and the Cambridge Grads steal it for the bonus point.

Sandi goes for _lion_ , and the Grads answer correctly after only three clues.

Victoria's fairly certain the Underdogs are being deliberately obtuse when they ask for _three zigzags_ instead of _water_. They miss their question again, but the Cambridge Grads can't come up with it either.

Then the Grads take _two reeds_ , and when the chime sounds for the music question, David's pained expression is priceless. They get it in the end (it's songs with musical instruments in the title), but they have to hear all four clues (“Dueling Banjos,” “Super Bass,” “The Little Drummer Boy,” and “While My Guitar Gently Weeps”), and David winces visibly when each new snippet starts.      

Lee can't seem to come up with a better joke name for the next hieroglyph than _eye of someone who definitely isn't Horus_ (deliberate obtuseness for sure then), but Miranda realises after just **Athletic** and **Redheaded** (“Sounds like a personals ad,” Lee quips) that they're looking at synonyms for Spice Girls. (“Not a very good personals ad,” Lee amends, when **Frightening** and **Infant** are revealed as the two remaining clues.)

The last question has to do with football, and Alan nearly jumps out of his seat to answer it when the Cambridge Grads can't.

They end the round, to everyone's surprise, in a tie.

 


	2. Sequences

“Well, Cambridge Grads,” Victoria says, with no small degree of satisfaction. “You aren't dominating yet. And Underdogs, you're not quite living up to your name.” But the balance shifts predictably when the Underdogs are stumped by a maths question on their first sequence and the Grads answer it easily.

“Okay, Cambridge Grads,” Victoria continues, keeping her expression neutral. “Time to choose your own question.”

“We're going to take a page out of their book,” Sandi says, looking a bit smug, “and go for _wiggly worm_.”

“ _Horned viper_ ,” Victoria corrects automatically. It's a history-related question, and the Grads come up with the answer two clues in.

The Underdogs get two points, at least, when Alan spots that **Fin** , **Southern Right** , and **North Pacific Right** are whale species by size and should be followed by **Blue** (he initially cries out, “blue whale”—he can't help himself—but pares it down to the proper formulation when Victoria invites him to have another go). But then the Cambridge Grads get three points on their _lion_ clue (“ _Sizeable cat_ ,” Sandi deadpans), and they're up seven points to two.

“All right, Underdogs,” Victoria prompts. “You've got one question remaining. What'll it be, _water_ or _two reeds_?” She amuses herself briefly by trying to guess how Lee will describe the _two reeds_ ( _pair of meat cleavers_? _double quill pens_?) and is only a touch disappointed when he asks for the hieroglyph by its proper name. “Taking a page out of their book,” he explains with a grin.

“You might want to take more than one,” Victoria says sternly, and then they start on the next question.

Miranda practically yelps when she sees the first clue. There's a flurry of whispers—Victoria hears “gymnastics” and “all-around” and “should we go for it?”—and then their buzzer sounds and Lee gestures towards Miranda. “Gabby Douglas,” Miranda says with confidence.

Victoria's pleased, but she keeps her voice dispassionate. “And why would that be?”

“It's women's gymnastics,” Miranda says, not at all hiding her own excitement. “Simona Amânar won all-around in 2000, then it's 2004, 2008, and Gabby Douglas was 2012.”

Victoria spares her having to name the 2004 and 2008 gold medallists. It's hard to be stingy when the Underdogs have just got themselves five points. The teams are tied with one question left in round two.

The Cambridge Grads get the picture question, and it's flags. They know they've got South American countries in alphabetical order, and thanks to Sue's particularly unsubtle whisper, so do the Underdogs. “Colombia,” Sandi announces, after just two pictures. She winces almost the second it's out of her mouth and looks sheepishly up at Victoria. David, to Victoria's amusement, swears visibly under his breath.

“It's _not_ Colombia,” Victoria enunciates, trying to hide a smile. “So I'm going to reveal the final picture and throw it over to the Underdogs.”

Alan, who apparently recognises the third flag as Brazil's, whispers something to Lee. “We think it's Chile,” he says.

“It _is_ Chile, or the Chilean flag,” Victoria confirms. “As I think you realised a moment too late, Cambridge Grads.”

The Underdogs give each other high fives, and Victoria eyes both teams coolly as she announces the scores. “After a nail-biting round two,” she says, “the Cambridge Grads have got seven points, but the Underdogs—untrue to their name—are ahead with eight.”

_Well_ , Victoria thinks, as they head for the connecting walls, _this might be a comeback story after all_.


	3. Connecting Wall (Puzzle)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The (very low-tech) Connecting Wall! Solutions in chapter 4.

 

**Grass**

| 

**Fluff**

| 

**Story**

| 

**Ice Skates**  
  
---|---|---|---  
  
**Fusion**

| 

**Gammon**

| 

**Beta**

| 

**X**  
  
**Stroke**

| 

**Razor**

| 

**Neutron**

| 

**Slash**  
  
**Crack**

| 

**Fan**

| 

**Gamma**

| 

**Gen**  
  
 

 


	4. Connecting Wall (Story & Solutions)

The Underdogs take an unsettlingly long time to find their first group on the connecting wall. They fiddle with **Slash** and **Stroke** for a while, but they can't find any other punctuation marks (“Is **Gammon** one?” Alan wonders, but when they put it with **Slash** , **Stroke** , and **X** , the grid rebuffs them with a disappointing thonk). Finally, Miranda sees from **Beta** and **Gamma** that they've got **Types of radiation**. They try to put **Fusion** in at first, but then Lee spots **X** , and the four clues resolve themselves into a line.

Then—“Razor wire, razor sharp, razor blades,” Alan mutters, and Miranda cries, “Blades! Ice skates!” and before Victoria knows it, they've got a second group.

“Now you've got just three lives,” she warns, keeping her expression dispassionate.

They almost don't manage to sort out the last two groups, but Lee makes a lucky guess with one life left, and the wall resolves under a triumphant musical flourish.

Victoria congratulates them and proceeds to quiz them about the connections.

They're right that **Beta** , **Gamma** , **Neutron** , and **X** are **Types of radiation** , and that **Fan** , **Grass** , **Razor** , and **Ice Skates** are **Things with blades**.

“What about this next group?” Victoria asks, “ **Slash** , **Stroke** , **Story** , and **Gammon**?”

She can see Lee come to it in a flash. “You can put 'back' in front of all of them.”

“They can all be preceded by **Back** ,” Victoria confirms. “And what about this last group: **Gen** , **Crack** , **Fusion** , and **Fluff**?”

Miranda looks at her sheepishly. “They're fanfiction genres.”

Victoria makes a show of checking her card. “They _are_ fanfiction genres. What can you tell me about fanfiction?”

Lee snorts. “We don't have all night, love,” he says with a grin, and Miranda elbows him.

“Are you an avid reader of fanfiction then?” Victoria asks, with studiously professional curiosity.

“Sometimes,” Miranda admits, and then she puts a hand to the side of her mouth to stage-whisper, “and not always gen.”

“I can't imagine what that might mean,” Victoria deadpans, and the round ends just before the camera can catch Victoria and Miranda giving each other a Meaningful Look.


	5. Missing Vowels Round (Puzzle)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The theme for the Missing Vowels Round is **Yuletide Fandoms**. Here are the clues. Solutions in Chapter 6.

**BTT YC RCKRC K BK**

**FRYTL SN DRL TDF N DMS**

**STR DYN GH TLVRP F**

**D VLW NT DW NTGRG**

**DSN YPR N CSSS**

**BSLTV DKG RYH NDCMM RCL**

 


	6. Missing Vowels Round (Story & Solutions)

The Cambridge Grads also solved their wall, but they misidentified a group of sitcom characters as famous economists, giving them only seven points to the Underdogs' ten. To Victoria's great pleasure, the Underdogs start the missing vowels round ahead by four.

“Tonight,” Victoria announces, “all of our clues will be **Yuletide Fandoms**.” She looks straight at the camera. “I have no idea what those are either.”

For a point, Sue correctly identifies **BTT YC RCKRC K BK** as **Betty Crocker Cookbook**.

Miranda recognises **FRYTL SN DRL TDF N DMS** —it's **Fairy Tales and Related Fandoms** , and Victoria supposes you'd have to know what a fandom is to have a chance at getting it right. But then David buzzes in on **STR DYN GH TLVRP F** — **Saturday Night Live RPF** — and Victoria makes a mental note to ask him exactly how he came to be familiar with that particular abbreviation.

Sandi sees **D VLW NT DW NTGRG** almost immediately—it's **Devil Went Down to Georgia**. The next clue is **DSN YPR N CSSS** , and Lee answers “ **Disney Princess** ” too quickly. The Underdogs lose a point, and the Grads snatch it up—it's **Disney** _ **Princesses**_ , plural.

Victoria checks the scores quickly as the next clue comes up. They're dead even, and there's barely any time left. **BSLTV DKG RYH NDCMM RCL** displays on the screen, and for a moment, nobody moves. Then, just as the time is about to run out, Alan presses the buzzer. “ **Absolute Vodka Greyhound Commercial** ,” he declares triumphantly.

“It _is_ ,” Victoria answers with satisfaction, and before they can see the next clue, the music signals the game's end. Victoria wraps up the proceedings and gives the final scores with a broad, magnanimous smile. “In a heartwarming turn of events,” she announces, “The Cambridge Grads have got eighteen points, but the Underdogs, in defiance of their losing tendencies, have won with nineteen.”

The Underdogs give each other a new round of high fives, and the Cambridge Grads applaud politely.

“And that's all from Only Connect,” Victoria says, looking straight ahead. “The quiz show that knows absolutely nothing about RPF. Or does it?”

She gives the camera a practised dead-eyed stare before adding, “Goodbye.”


End file.
